Gone is What We Knew
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Lily would never have guessed that she and Sirius Black had so much in common—and she never dreamed that he'd be the one to comfort her at her lowest point. Lily/Sirius friendship. Warnings for angst, mentions of a rough home life, and language.


**A/N: Hey y'all! This was written for Hogwarts. Other prompts are listed below. :)**

 **Psychology Task 1: Write about a Muggleborn facing prejudice.**

 **WARNINGS: Angst, mentions of rough home life, slight language**

 **Word Count: 2498**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling.**

 **Enjoy!**

Lily took a sip of butterbeer and tried to ignore the whispered conversations going on around her. The Slug Club Christmas party was in full swing, and instead of enjoying the boisterous atmosphere, Lily was trying to stay invisible. Horace Slughorn, while a well-meaning man, couldn't quite seem to grasp the fact that adding " _And she's a Muggleborn, too!"_ to every bit of praise he threw her way was degrading. The point of this party was for her to be introduced to impressive Ministry figures so she might have a better chance at going into Potions when she left school, and she hated seeing their look of surprise when they found out that someone as smart as she was came from a Muggle background. It wasn't _odd_ , it wasn't _abnormal_ —Muggles weren't _stupid._

She tucked a loose strand of red hair behind her ear. She spotted Severus shaking hands with someone she'd just been introduced to, and her stomach knotted; her hand had been all but dropped when her blood status had been brought to light.

She told herself that it didn't matter what those stuffy purebloods thought, but the truth was, it did matter to her. She hated being looked down upon, presumed stupid, just because she hadn't had any knowledge of the wizarding world before her Hogwarts letter had arrived. Hadn't she proved that her magical ability was exemplary?

Lily strode over to the wall of the room, ducking beneath red and green Christmas decorations. Satisfied that she had a bit of privacy now that she was away from everyone, she sat down on the cool stone floor and pulled her knees up to her chin. She wrapped her arms around her legs and tried not to let her mood spoil the evening.

"Are you alone?"

Lily looked up, her green eyes wide, to see Sirius Black standing before her.

She scowled, annoyed that he'd chosen this moment of weakness to make his presence known. "Not anymore, I'm not."

Sirius shook his head, running a hand through his long, dark hair. "That's not what I meant. Are you here with Snivellus?"

Lily glared at him, wishing he'd just go away. "Don't call him that," she snapped. "And no, I'm not. I came here because Professor Slughorn wanted to introduce me to some people."

Without invitation, Sirius lowered himself down next to her. "Hate to break it to you Evans, but sitting against a wall doesn't exactly scream 'talk to me'."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I already met everyone I needed to. Now leave me alone."

Sirius shook his head. "Nah. I can tell that something's eating you." He sighed. "Listen, Evans. I don't find you very interesting. But you mean an awful lot to James and Remus, so it's my duty to make sure no one's, you know." He waved his hand in a vague gesture. " _Endangering_ you, or something."

Lily shot him a glare, furious that he thought she was some sort of damsel in distress. "I can take care of myself, Black," she snapped. "Now go. You've done your deed for the day."

"C'mon, Evans. Have a little faith in me. The lads must keep me around for some reason, yeah?"

Lily snorted, digging her fingers into the fabric of her green dress robes. "So I'm just supposed to reveal sensitive information to someone who repeatedly bullied my best friend, constantly berates me, and will probably blab my secret to the first person he sees?"

Sirius sighed heavily. "Evans," he began, a weight to his words that Lily had never heard from him before. "I can't pretend that I've never told a secret. A big one." Pain flashed through his grey eyes, and Lily couldn't help but be curious. "But believe me, I've learned my lesson. If something's upsetting you, there are worse people to confide in. And I can guarantee that I've heard darker secrets."

Lily shook her head. "You wouldn't understand."

Sirius shrugged. "There are a lot of things I don't understand. Hell, half the things my mates rattle on about I don't understand. But I support them. And that seems to be enough."

Lily turned to him, surprise written across her features. She'd never seen this side of Sirius Black before, and while it was strange, it was oddly… comforting.

Her gaze roamed back to the party playing out before them. "Just because I'm Muggleborn, people think I ought to be some sort of…" She trailed off, angry that she had confided something so important to him. He couldn't understand; he had great friends, good connections, a blood status that no one could look down upon…

"Ah, Evans. If those are the people old Sluggy is introducing you to, then forget about them. I can set you up with Fleamont, he'll show you the right people."

"What?" That hadn't been the response she'd been expecting; Sirius sounded indignant on her behalf. "Who's Fleamont?"

"My—" Sirius stopped and cleared his throat. "Er, James' dad. He's brilliant; invented Sleekeazy's Hair Potion, you know. 'Cept it didn't work on James." Sirius' amused grin was wide and contagious; Lily felt her mouth twitching.

"I… I didn't know James' father was so good at Potions," she admitted.

"Who'd have thought it, eh? Seeing as James didn't inherit that talent. You know, a lot of the Potters were gifted Potions masters—it's how they built their fortune." He looked at Lily out of the corner of his eye. "Even the oldest of the Potter ancestors used to help Muggles. They've always been an open-minded lot."

Lily nodded, feeling slightly better. "Thanks, Black. That's… thoughtful of you."

Sirius awkwardly patted her shoulder, and Lily nearly giggled from the ridiculousness of it all. "Sure thing, Evans." He peered at her closely. "You all right now?"

Truthfully, while she was feeling better than she had before, she still felt terribly alone. Here at Hogwarts, she was an outcast because she came from a Muggle family; at home, she was an outcast because she had magic. She and her sister Petunia had had a falling out over the summer, mere months after her fall out with Severus. Without her friend and sister supporting her, she'd been left mostly alone all year. She knew that her relationship with Severus had gotten too toxic, but she couldn't help but miss his company. Add Petunia's cruel words into the mix, and Lily had quite the emotional mess on her hands; she sure as hell wasn't ready to share any of that with Black.

"I'm fine, Black," she murmured. "Thank you."

Sirius sighed. "Don't be a martyr, Evans. Despite what you think, I'm not an idiot. Who's giving you a hard time?"

Lily glared at the floor. Sirius couldn't understand what she was going through, and he'd even admitted earlier that he was only concerned for her because he knew people who cared about her. "Why are you here, Black?" she asked harshly. "You've never come to one of these parties before, and you've certainly never spoken to me."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Ah. It's a family thing, then. I think Remus mentioned you had a sister once—you two don't get on?"

Lily reeled away, taken aback. "What? How did you—?"

"...Well, call it personal experience. Nobody gets that angry unless they're talking about their own family."

"I could be talking about some other, more secret problem," she protested weakly.

Sirius shook his head, adjusting his black dress robes. "Nah. You were opening up before, then got all defensive. If it is your sister you're worried about… I know exactly what that feels like."

Lily crossed her arms. There was no way that he could—she knew his brother was in Slytherin, but she highly doubted that they shared the same level of hatred she and Petunia did.

Sirius seemed to read her thoughts. His long, slender fingers wrapped gently around her arm, and he moved slightly so he could see her better. "Evans. Just tell me. What's the worst that could happen?"

Everything could go wrong. Sirius could let it slip, she'd become a laughingstock and be thoroughly humiliated. If she revealed her troubles to him, he could do whatever he wanted with the information. He wasn't just asking to know; he was asking to be trusted.

Could he be? He'd confessed that he'd spilled secrets before. Then again, he'd been confident when he told her that hers would not be the worst he had heard. The pain of constant rejection had weighed heavily on her all through sixth year, and she didn't have Severus to confide in anymore. Her Gryffindor friends had all distanced themselves because of her previous friendship with him, and she hadn't made any more.

Lily bit her lip. "Petunia hates me," she whispered. "She hates me because I have magic, and people here hate me because they don't think I have enough of it. Everywhere I go, I'm considered an outcast."

Sirius' face was solemn. "Yeah," he murmured softly. "Yeah, I get that. But if… if there's one thing that I've learned here, it's that you have to choose your family. Blood means nothing."

Lily turned away. "That's not what everyone else thinks."

"Well, they don't really matter, do they? I mean—"

"Oh, stuff it, Black!" Lily hissed. This was a very real problem in her eyes, and she didn't appreciate how the boy was writing it off as something trivial; like the solution could be found with just a few words. "You have no idea what that feels like! You and your brother may not like each other, but you don't go out of your way to make each other's life worse! So don't act like I'm blowing this out of proportion, because I'm not."

Sirius had pulled back; his face was now blank and his eyes were guarded. "Don't talk about things you don't understand, Evans. You have no idea the things I've been through. Don't you _dare_ pretend like you have even an inkling."

Lily was riled up now; her pride had been wounded tonight, and Sirius hadn't been choosing his words carefully enough. "No, you listen to me, Black. You have everything—friends who care about you, a blood status nobody hates you for—"

" _I_ hate me for it!" Sirius roared. "Don't you bloody get it? My family is a bunch of bigots, and I hate being associated with them. You've no idea the lengths they go to to preserve blood purity. They hurt anyone whose views clash with their own—even if it's their own son." Sirius seemed almost desperate, and he grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly, as though he was trying to force his words upon her. "I had to get out of that house; I couldn't take their insults and shouting anymore. I am my own person, and I am _proud_ of that. They can't take my beliefs away from me. When I left, they disowned me. Burnt my name off the family tapestry and renounced all ties. So when you say that there is someone in your family who hates you for who you are, _I get that._ I know, _I know_ how worthless they can make you feel, and how hard it is to walk away.

"But Evans, that's what you have to do. It took me so long to gather up the courage to give up on them, but once I left… I found a real family. The Potters didn't pity me—they just loved me. Euphemia and Fleamont as more parents to me than my own were, and I'm proud to be their son. You can't be happy if all you ever do is try to please them. You have to find your own family; only then will you be truly free to be yourself—even more importantly, you'll be _happy_ to be yourself."

Tears pricked at Lily's eyes, and guilt overwhelmed her. "Black, I—"

"I know what you're about to say," he interrupted, "and it's ok. You… you couldn't have known. Look, I'm about to sound like James—Merlin help me—but just listen. You have to realize that a place where you aren't happy isn't healthy. If someone is hurting you—in any way—you need to leave. And the people who will lend you the strength to do that, find them after you've left, whatever. But don't stay somewhere toxic waiting on someone who isn't going to change for you. There isn't a single person in this world who doesn't deserve to be loved."

Her laugh was watery as she looked up at the Gryffindor boy. "That's… I've been a bit of an idiot, haven't I?"

The tension drained from Sirius' shoulders. "Yeah, well. It's not an easy thing to get straight. James tried to nail that into my head for five years before I started to believe him."

They both laughed—Sirius' a loud and sharp bark, Lily's much softer and breathier.

"You know," Sirius said thoughtfully after a moment, "you're not so bad, Evans."

Lily playfully swatted him on the arm. "Neither are you, Black. Merlin, never thought I'd say this, but I'm starting to see why Remus hangs around you."

A mischievous grin spread across his face. "Next thing you know, you'll be saying that about _James_."

Lily let out a snort. "I highly doubt that."

"He's only a prick around you, you know. You make him nervous." Before Lily could respond or even process that new tidbit of information, Sirius had stood up and was offering his hand to her. "Let's make a vow. From now on, neither of us will get all mopey about our families; we'll talk to someone before it escalates this far."

Lily accepted his hand, letting him haul her to her feet. "Agreed."

Sirius nodded at her and began to walk away; after a moment's hesitation, Lily called to him. "Black? Why _did_ you come here?"

Sirius looked at her a bit sheepishly. "I, er, may have let my brother get to me. Just… stay away from the punch bowl. Oh, and I'd leave before nine if I were you."

He disappeared into the crowd, leaving a bemused Lily behind him. She shook her head almost fondly in the direction he'd gone. It was hard to wrap her mind around the fact that Sirius' personality went deeper than "arrogant prick", but it was a welcome surprise.

She took a deep breath and went to go find Professor Slughorn. She'd meet the rest of his contacts and see if anything good came up; her confidence had been boosted enough for that.

He was right; there wasn't any use in staying somewhere where she wasn't happy. His story made her want to find what he had—a family who accepted you, no matter what. He'd surprised her today, and touched her in a way no one else could have. She never would have guessed that she and Sirius Black had something in common, but she realized she was glad that they did.

If Sirius could pull himself out of such a horrible situation, why couldn't she? For the first time, she wanted to try.

 **A/N: Prompts:**

 **Writing Club:**

 **Character Appreciation: 4. (plot point) attending a Slug Club party**

 **Disney Challenge: Theme 3. Holidays — write about a character celebrating a holiday**

 **Showtime: 21. Fair Game — (dialogue) "Let's make a vow."**

 **Amber's Attic: 22. The Loved Ones — (theme) rejection**

 **Count Your Buttons: Dialogue 3. "Are you alone?"**

 **Lyric Alley: 7. I wish I was special**

 **Ami's Audio Admirations: 14. Time Warp - Little Nell — (era) Marauders**

 **Sophie's Shelf: 9. (dialogue) "I don't find you very interesting."**

 **Lo's Lowdown: Dialogue 1. "...Well, call it personal experience. Nobody gets that angry unless they're talking about their own family."**

 **Bex's Basement: 4. Thriller, by Michael Jackson — Alt. Write about someone not being who you thought they were.**

 **Autumn Funfair:**

 **Bingo: 62. "What's the worst that could happen?" (3)**

 **Gris-Gris Bag:**

 **(dialogue) "Have a little faith in me."**


End file.
